Tales from India. The journey of a solo female backpacker…..Day 15 ♥

This entry is part 16 of 21 in the series Tales from India

Today has actually been a crazy emotional rollercoaster of a day. I missed morning Satsung (group meditation, chanting and spiritual talks). I just couldn’t drag myself out of bed, instead I chose to meditate by myself which I found far more enjoyable than when I do group meditation….not so many distractions.

My energy levels during yoga were virtually non-existent and rather than becoming more flexible I seem to be getting tighter, I felt a little despondent and self-critical and I left the class feeling very emotionally fragile.

My Karma yoga is to serve breakfast to all the others before I have my own but my back was aching and I was so hungry. The breakfast actually looked ok today (rice pudding) but when I thought that the breakfast may run out before I had time to have some (this had happened before) I burst into tears in the packed dining hall. I thought I would have to eat curry again for breakfast and I just did not think my stomach could handle it. Thank heavens I was mistaken and that I got my rice pudding minus the curry, one of the kindly ashram staff took pity on me and excused me from Karma yoga, my energy levels shot up after a couple of bowls of this sweet delight.

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Afterwards, this incident got me thinking about food and how when I was hungry and food was in short supply how territorial I became and how my basic instinct of needing to survive kicked in. I guess when one is drained emotionally, mentally and physically this will affect one’s attitude and behaviour, normally I consider myself to be a very generous person but this morning this attribute within me was not meant to be.

After breakfast the rest of my day was uphill. I spent a lovely time at the lake with my number one girl here, I went to a local village with another friend checking my emails and treating myself to some crisps and a 7up, thank God I did because as it turns out dinner at the ashram was abysmal!

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While I was in town watching everyone go about their daily life my urge to leave the ashram strengthened and I  decided that I would leave a day earlier than originally planned. I love my friends and the sense of community here and I will be sad to leave them and the yoga behind but the strict rules and the dreaded Satsung and chanting and the lengthy uninspiring monologues by the director and his wife are simply not my thing, staying here is counter productive and is actually beginning to ruin my trip.

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And once again I am experiencing and practising non-attachment, letting go of newly formed friendships that are more safe than the unknown and my next destination Varkala, seeing that each new day, each hour and each moment is short lived…..impermanent.

Series Navigation<< Tales from India. The journey of a solo female backpacker…..Day 14 ♥Tales from India. The journey of a solo female backpacker…..Day 16 ♥ >>

1 Comment

  • Michelle Renwick says:

    You are an amazing writer… And I can’t wait to find the time to sit and read all of your blogs. Your just the best blogger ever!!!! Xxxlove you

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